Lee Jacobs is a hard man to pin down. He is
a hard man to track down. I’ve been trying to get this interview for over a week. He lives three miles
away and yet insisted upon meeting for the "interrogation" at a "neutral site", which ended up being the hotel bar at the
Marriott here in downtown Dayton. At four
p.m.
That was the plan.
At 4:47, with no sign of Lee, I called his home. No answer. So I tried his cell. Likewise.
So I had a drink, a Tom Collins, and got on the phone with my ride. One should never catch a bus in downtown Dayton. A hard learned lesson.
Before I hung up a call came in on call waiting. Guess who.
Hello.
Where the fuck are you?
The Marriott, downtown. Been here since four.
Oh, yeah. Shit. Downtown, huh? I went to the one off I-70. Damnit! You're
gonna put this stuff in the article aren't you?
Nah.
He tells
me he'll be there in half an hour. It winds up being almost ninety minutes and by the time he arrives, I'm pretty well shit-faced.
Finally, he walks in with a Burger King bag and a soda in his hands. This is Lee Jacobs the cover designer. This is Lee Jacobs
the "artist". Trailing him is an entourage of nobody at all, and the message is clear: this man is beholden to no one. He
starts the interview himself before I've even spoken, holding up his bag of food:
________________________________________________________
Want some?
I'm fine, thanks.
I got you a big mac.
They don't have big macs at Burger King.
Whatever [snorts]. Shoot.
So what were your thoughts when you first read the book?
I was very impressed. By the time I finished the first page I knew you
had something. I knew it would be good. Which is shocking, you know, because it was written by... you.
What are you thinking about cover-wise? What can we expect?
Well, I have a few ideas. Picture this. A spray of blood and vomit across
a white canvas. Plain. Simple. Elegant. And in Verdana, which I think is the classiest font, -or Arial- then, maybe down at
the bottom, the title: The Gem City.
It's called Gem City Blues.
No "the" either?
No. And what about the other ideas.
I don't know, I thought about doing some sort of pastiche of those old
cartoony hand-painted twenty five cent pulp book covers with some sort of scene of desperation on it. Like a man strangling
another man while a young woman looks on, posing sexily, caressing her pearl necklace. Or a really bizarre collage comprised
of a series of objects bearing some kind of thematic, symbolic connection to the material. I'm all over the place at the moment.
I've got scores of ideas.
How does this book compare with those books on your great books
list on your myspace page?
Hmm... Let me put it in the words of the inimitable Stephen Tyler: [singing
the tune of Aerosmith's "Dude Looks Like a Lady" with uncanny skill] "Never judge a book by its cover..."
What has influenced you most as an artist?
Alcohol. [snickers] I don't know. It's hard to say. This is my first gig
in the biz. Should I say "the biz" like that? It's not exactly easy to get a break into this field. Like, how do you get a
start as a cover artist. Are there guys who have sustained a career on just that? Is it a career? It's kind of hard to say.
There are certain things I like artistically, Pollack, Barney Bubbles, Picasso- I know they sound clichéd- but I have to filter
that through what is right for this project. Does that sound like bullshit?
Yes. You recently became a father for the second time. Now that
you have a spare, do you parent differently?
[He gives me an ice cold stare that lasts for literally three minutes.
I worry that I have offended him and ruined the interview and possibly our business relationship. Finally he speaks] Dude,
what? I'm sorry, I tuned out for a minute there. What did you say?
Nevermind. If you could have dinner with any four people, living
or dead, who would they be?
Wow. Well, we'd have roast pheasant, for an occasion like that. That's
first of all. But who? That'll take some thought… Wait, I've got it. Check it out: Malcolm X, Adolph Hitler, Jesus Christ
and Mohammed.
Interesting.
Shut up, I'm still thinking. All right, all right, all right. The interpersonal
dynamics would be fucking fascinating. This is golden! [leans in close to my tape recorder] Are you getting this? I want a
copy of this tape. Here goes: Malcolm reaches out to Adolph and is, of course, rejected because of his skin color. But anyone
who knows anything about Malcolm X knows that one of his defining characteristics is his persistence. And as someone who spent
a large part of his public life preaching basically about his own rage against another race, would have a unique viewpoint
that I believe might just get through to someone like Hitler. And then Adolph could undergo the same kind of turnaround toward
tolerance in death as Malcolm did toward the end of his life.
Well-
Then there's the whole thing between Jesus and Mohammed. This could be
a play. I'd videotape it just like that show The Real World. This is gonna be huge!
Jesus is mad at Mohammed because Mohammed stole all of his best ideas, and then he got off without having to be crucified.
And Mohammed is really hurt because Jesus is like his hero. And then there's Malcolm who, as a Muslim, is deeply moved to
meet Mohammed. And then, the clincher- Adolph embraces Jesus at the end, right? Even though he's Jewish. Because of what he
learned from Malcolm. Then we'd have tiramisu for dessert. Or maybe a little bit of unexpected romance arises. On second thought,
scratch that last part. Hmm... That's all I've got so far. What do you think?
I can't think of a single person who wouldn't find that offensive.
Well, fuck it. I'm just thinking out loud. Are we done yet? I've got Cinnabon
at home.
No, we're not done. How do you justify leaving both Ford, Harrison and Solo, Han off of your myspace hero list?
Ooh, those are good ones. I can't believe I overlooked Harrison Ford.
I feel like a total nerf-herder. I really can't justify it. Yes, that is a pretty blatant omission. I throw myself upon the
mercy of the court.
Looks like someone has some profile editing to do. On the subject,
your wife says you look just like Harrison Ford. How much did you pay her to say that or how blind is she?
You hit on something there at the end. She's got a very strong prescription
for her eyeglasses, though she usually wears contacts. I tried on her glasses one time. Man, she can't see shit. It is possible
that to her I might look good. She wants to get Lasik, but I'm afraid for her to find out what I really look like. She's pretty
good looking. I don't wanna screw that up.
How romantic. If you had 100 completely untraceable bullets and
assurance that you would not be punished for anything you did with them what would you do with them?
I don't know. How many guys are there in congress?
More than 100.
Then I'd have to think about it. I give up. You've stumped me.
You were quoted recently as saying that myspace was a "work of
Satan". Why the sudden turn around?
Like all things evil, the temptation was strong. People's pages are completely
masturbatory shrines to themselves. Who doesn't want a forum to define their self in his or her own terms. And post
up cute pictures of themselves. There is the temptation toward self aggrandizement. But like Oscar Wilde said, the way to
cope with temptation is to "succumb to it".
Do you think there is too much "myspace" and not enough "ourspace"?
I don't know what you mean.
Did you read my blogs about The Only Living Boy in Lakewood, and if so, how much of an insufferable idiot is he anyway?
He's definitely an idiot. But I'm starting to feel a little sorry for
him. It's kind of an intellectual mismatch. Like you and I, except in that case with you
as the intellectual superior.
Why should people buy this book? What can they hope to gain?
Sure, it's just a book. And maybe there's not much to gain. Only all the
beauty and color of life. Only a story that will haunt them to their graves, and a lesson that they can carry with them throughout
the journey of life.
Wow.
Yeah, I think I put too much on it. Not believable. Good book, though.
Really good, surprisingly. [he stands up, preparing to leave]
Sum up Lee Jacobs in five words or less.
[counting on his fingers] Shit, ass, bitch, damn... is motherfucker
one or two words?
